Movie Review: LEE CRONIN'S THE MUMMY

Seeing "Obsession" yesterday got me in the horror movie mood, so last night, I rented "Lee Cronin's The Mummy" and checked it out. I have to say, I haven't laughed that hard at something that unintentionally funny in a long time. I knew 20 minutes into this thing it was going to be one of those movies.

The first clue was the fact they felt they needed to tell us in multiple ways that the first scenes are set in Cairo, Egypt. First, there's a newsclip of the dad, Charlie Cannon, giving a report and with a tagline of "Cairo." Then, in Charlie's home, where he's watching said newsclip, there's a framed art piece on the wall that says "Doors of Cairo." I can't even remember the third time they did this - but they did, because I joked how we needed a drinking game to take shots every time they went out of their way to remind us this was taking place in Cairo.

Same thing later on with Albuquerque. And why was there a pizza place out in the middle of the New Mexico desert, based out of an Airstream trailer? And why did the house in which the Cannon family live have an entire network of tunnels and empty spaces behind all the walls, like they were planning to hide people from the Nazis in occupied Italy back in the 1940s? They could have subletted that space out to an entire other family and still had room to spare! And at what point do you not recognize that your daughter, who was missing for 8 years and who is now catatonic/headbutting Grandma/puking randomly and twitching probably needs to be in a medical and/or psychiatric hospital and not in your home with no medical supervision?

All these and many, many other nitpicks aside, "The Mummy" was enjoyable. It was gross, and funny in the "Evil Dead" kind of way, so it's no surprise Lee Cronin was also behind the (far, FAR superior) "Evil Dead Rise" reboot. He's said this movie is supposed to be set in the "Evil Dead" universe, which doesn't really explain anything at all, but hey, it's as good an excuse as any.

Favorite moments include little sister Maud getting turned into a Deadite (er, I mean, a ... Mummite, maybe?), then plucking out all her teeth and popping in Grandma's dentures at said Grandma's funeral. The movie is worth watching for that scene alone. (See screenshot below.)

I'd read criticisms saying Cronin couldn't decide what kind of movie he wanted to make, and I can definitely see where that came from. This movie's like a Frankenstein of plotlines cobbled together from not just the Evil Dead franchise, but "Silence of the Lambs," "Poltergeist," "The Exorcist," "The Omen," "Alien," and God knows how many others. You've seen it all before, and throwing it all together into some kind of horror movie goulash didn't do anyone anywhere any favors.

Like I said, it's enjoyable enough, a good popcorn horror movie for sure. But if you're

looking for a good horror movie, I still think "Hokum" is the best I've seen in a long, long time.